I Never Knew Y☀u From The Sun

On the Dot

I’ve been having a series of sort-of-dates in my dreams this week. It’s sort of bizarre. Sometimes there are people I miss greatly, so they turn up there and we hang out while I sleep. Most of my closest friends, well all of them, live very far from where I now live.

I dreamed that the cat sitter I have watching leelou somehow got my apartment infested with mice. I tried to catch one (I enjoy mice, I wanted to set it free outside) and accidentally crushed its bones. It felt horrible. Small fragile animals are a recurring theme in my dreams, so tiny it’s always possible they’ll break, and so I spend a lot of time completely panicking over how to protect them. Perhaps they symbolize my own affections, or who knows. Usually whoever it is I desire to see is running away from me or being coy, though occasionally the figure is comforting.

thisrecording:

“What Would I Want? Sky.” - Animal Collective (mp3)

Oh my. This is my first listening to the studio version. Ladies and Gents, say hello to the first ever allowed sampling of The Grateful Dead.

Liberation and Renewal

• Taking a nice long bath. I haven’t done this in probably years, simply for not living any place with an actual bath tub. The other night I was freezing though, and this seemed like a decent solution. It was wonderful and also disorienting to watch the soap bubbles swirl around and my body sink below.
• Handwriting many things. I’ve been handwriting letters, handwriting notes to my pet sitter and neighbors, handwriting notes in class, and writing very small little things on envelopes or notebooks. It is strange, as I’m often behind the keyboard instead, but really liberating. These things cannot be backspaced. Handwriting interests me greatly, it is so personal, almost like a scent or like ones own preferred pillow. Perhaps not more personal than content in some cases, but you get the idea.
• Checking out books from the library. It always just feels.. ahh.. amazing. I don’t know why, perhaps because libraries seem so intimidating, or the artifactual nature of books passing between different people at different times, each interested in what you in the present are reading. The was a hand typed note discussing the difference between passion and enthusiasm in my library book today. They are just magic things, and the reading room lined with art history books is also magical for me. I knew immediately I was home, that I could get through these courses, after discovering that room.
• I learned how to print for free at the library today, it is efficient, easy, and the guy at the desk is already teasing me for being around too often and checking out books on Jim Henson.
• Last week, at my local coffee and sweets stop (The Connecticut Muffin, though I enjoy Ozzies, Sweet Melissa, and Tea Lounge as well - all within three blocks of home) the usual guy behind the counter was teasing me about something, when all of the sudden the espresso he was making for me exploded on him. He was covered in little drops of coffee. He said it was my fault, and this was sort of hilarious. I know I am home because the folks at the coffee shops already tease me in my routines, the pizza shop knows what I order (sophia pizza, mmm), and I’ve already had a book checked out and overdue for longer than a month.
• I am behind and stressed and underslept, but I can’t wait to sign up for next semesters classes. Impressionism!  ::faint::
• I received sunshine in the mail today. Prisms, sunflowers, typewriters, warmth, hope, dreams, love… and I can’t even feel negative about anything for it.
• My favorite classmate in tonights class brought cookies to class. I don’t know him well, but he is kind, and one of those people that presses you immediately with real questions, and not the usual weather talk.
• I dreamt I called a friend who lives far and made plans for a movie date that would take me two days by train to arrive to. Things seem to point in the positive though, or routes of action. I do need to make plans. I do need to reach out. I do need to keep holding on to those important to me. I do feel very warm inside for them existing.